number five

For the past couple of months, we've been settling into school schedules, making the best of challenging work schedules, trying to make time for things like Family Night, reading together, piano practicing, and other personal and family goals.  We patiently waited for fall weather and tried to enjoy time outdoors (and then scrambled a bit for the winter-like weather that hit this week).

We've also enjoyed looking ahead to the changes that await our family early next year.  In February, our family will welcome baby number five.

We haven't spread the word quite as thoroughly this time around; some may be getting the news from this very post.  It's not that we are any less excited for a baby to join our family.  On the contrary, there are many reasons that make this pregnancy even more exciting.  For one, our kids are very excited.  They're getting older and they understand--and they ask a lot of questions.  For the first time, we're really sharing in the "expecting" experience with our kids.

Another aspect of this pregnancy that makes it special is that it is probably our last ("probably?" my Mom is worriedly asking as she reads this).  I suppose I can say it more firmly; baby number five will be our last.  Why is that special?  Because I feel like it is an answer to prayer.  Of course, I've prayed over countless motherhood issues, but for me, considering that we could either stop with the four beautiful children that we had and move forward with our family OR we could start once again, it was a huge matter of thought and prayer.  For both TEC and me.  We never had a set number for our family--3 kids was an easy starting point, being the number I grew up with.  Four wasn't much more of a stretch.  But what beyond that?  And if more children, why?  Certainly it wouldn't be because I have this whole motherhood thing mastered...that I'm just so good at it and confident at my ability all the time that I'd keep going.  I'm well aware that I have my hands full.  Neither would it be because we weren't satisfied with the family we had.  In fact, once it was confirmed that we were indeed pregnant, TEC and I  experienced almost a mourning as we realized we were closing the door on a path that we could have taken--the path that would have lead us to a new stage of adventures with our family.

Well, of course, we've come to terms with the fact that we've delayed that path for a little while longer.  At the same time, we've really cherished the familiar giddy-ness--waiting for that positive pregnancy test, feeling the baby move, watching the ultrasound technician point out arms and legs and profile (though not gender this time...we're opting for one last surprise).  We've remembered that while we didn't always have a clear picture of this stage of our lives, this new baby and all it will bring to our family is what we chose and it's what we want.  Peace with our decision is what gets me through most days, especially as I deal with the less-positive realities of being pregnant with number five.  Realities like my body is not invincible.  Yes, I'm tired, moody, all the standard.  In addition, I have been genetically blessed with vein varicosities that have intensified with each pregnancy.  I'm confident that what I've experienced this time around is as much as I could do.  I want to still have the energy and health to enjoy my family for the rest of my life--not to have it spent before I'm out of the delivery room.  I look forward to running again--maybe someday running with some of my kids.  For sure having all sorts of physical adventures with them.

So, there you have it.  With a little less anxiousness, hopefully more wisdom, and with sincere excitement, we share our news and continue to prepare for life with number five.