Just when I felt like I had figured this day out, I did something dumb: I got into an accident.
Dinner was on my mind. At the beginning of the week, before TEC left on his trip to Houston, I decided that on Wednesday, it would be okay to stop at Arby's for dinner.
It's not that I think I'm above fast food. It's the sitting in the drive-thru deciding what to order for myself and 4 kids...feeling the pressure to decide quickly because people are waiting behind me and to not spend a ridiculous amount of money on whatever I decide and the guilt piling on my shoulders because there were probably some coupons that I should have remembered to pack with me...and the knowing that my kids would really just want the french fries, regardless of what I order...
I can't tell you how many times I've driven past "fast food" or similar "make life easier" restaurants on desperate dinner nights and run through the dilemma in my head of "should I or shouldn't I just stop here?"...and most of the time I keep driving and trying to tell myself that there must be something I can pull together to eat when we get home. One time I did stop and order something and got up to the window only to discover that I had left my wallet at home. That night I was not the "mom of the year" according to my kids in the back seats who couldn't understand why we weren't getting our happy meals and who complained the whole way home and all through the pathetic dinner afterwards.
Wednesdays are hard because RVC has music class at the horrible time of 5:15 until 6:15pm. We've tried everything from the kids and I eating at 4pm (what?) without Dad to dropping RVC off and having TEC pick her up on the way home from work while the other kids and I go home to get dinner on the table and even start eating--I like this the best. Or, if TEC can't, we wait to eat until after music class--and unless I got it ready before we left (at 4pm) we end up not until eating until almost 7. This is hard with young kids. I know there are a million things I could be doing on Wednesdays to make this all easier on myself (crock pot dinners, better organization, etc.) but most weeks I'm just not there.
So I thought ahead for this week and decided Arby's would be okay. Except tonight it didn't sound at all good to me. Nothing "out" did, except maybe Pappacitos in Texas (TEC probably ate there tonight) or Cafe Rio...but I couldn't figure out how to make it work. And I hadn't planned for an alternative. I feel like I've been good this week, with TEC gone, at figuring out what to do for meals, but tonight maybe I was just burned out. Even the easy solutions weren't calling my name.
I thought and even worried a bit all afternoon because I didn't have a plan. It may sound silly, but I even prayed about it--in my mind as I went about the late afternoon helping RVC through homework. Finally, an idea came to me. It was something I could start now and finish really quick when we got back home so we wouldn't be eating too late. I started the rice and set the timer--I'd just need to stop back home really quick after dropping RVC off to take it off the heat and then get back for the end of her class. Maybe there'd be time for another errand? The rest of the food was another pan ready to go for when we were back home at 6:30. I was feeling pretty good. We piled in the van to take RVC to her class.
If not dinner, I don't know what was on my mind on the way home (to get the rice), but I remember noticing the car in front of me slowing down for some road work ahead. Except, it wasn't slowing down. It had stopped. The sign ahead said "Detour. Road closed ahead." They were at a stop probably just deciding what to do next. I was too close when I realized I needed to stop completely.
It's the worst feeling ever. Mostly, I'm so grateful that my kids were buckled and that I wasn't going too fast and that the people in the car ahead of me were okay. I feel sick to my stomach with all the thoughts I'm having about what could have happened. And, of course, I'm feeling sick about what will need to happen to fix our car, which has some damage. Grateful that we have insurance, but it will still be expensive.
Why am I writing all this? Certainly not to impress any readers; once again, it's for me. I'm not feeling very proud of what I did today. But I do want to remember the "tender mercy" I experienced before the accident. I know that a dinner plan is something so small, but for some reason it was something that was heavy on my mind today and I was feeling a bit helpless about my responsibilities as a mom without Dad around. And for some reason, Heavenly Father, I believe, cared enough about me and my concern to give me an idea and help me pull through. In the end, we were home safe. We ate dinner (all of it!) and I got the kids to bed and saw the survival of another day.
As for the accident, I'm not quite sure what I need to learn from it...I suppose I'll work on that when I figure it out.
7 comments:
Sorry about your harrowing day. I know Denisa asks me a lot of the time what I want for dinner, and I brush off the question many times, saying "Whatever." Maybe I should be a bit more diligent at coming up with ideas.
Hope your car bill turns out smaller than expected. Unanticipated costs like that are the worst! Glad you're all okay!
I am really sorry about the accident! I know what it is like to have too much on your mind and not be aware of what is around you!
As for those not fun dinner times, we have started making a whole package of hoggie sandwiches and wrapping them in tinfoil and freezing them. Then when we have soccer or baseball during dinner time, I just grab a few sandwiches and some apples and cheese or chips and we eat on the road with us. It saves on the wallet and on the belly! We had gotten to the point where the kids wanted REAL food from McDonalds instead of eating at home (too much eating out!! LOL) and not to mention my monthly budget wasn't great. This is a fast and easy solution. We have even eaten dinner for lunch on nights that we know we are going to end up having sandwiches so we don't repeat.
Great ideas, Liz. I know that as our kids get older and we have more things going on in the evenings, we'll definitely need to have more of a "go to" plan in place like that.
Don't beat yourself up over this, Jodie. Sometimes the weight we carry as mothers (worrying about everyone but ourselves) takes it toll. You are a wonderful mother and wife and I am continually amazed at all you are able to accomplish. I just want you to know that I am very proud of you as an individual and also as a very important part of a wonderful family.
Love, Mom
I reallllly love it when you post about things like this (I mean mostly the dinner thoughts). I feel this way sometimes too, and it's just helpful to know other's struggle with seemingly little things like planning meals.
I think all moms have these kinds of days, and I'm so sorry about the accident, but I am sure that your mom is right. I am sure that you are a great mom and wife, no doubt in my mind at all. And I do so understand the tender mercies. I think the worries of a mother are the least silly there could ever be, since our job is so hard and so so so important, I think Heavenly Father is extra willing to help us out. I hope that the residual effects of the accident are not as much as you might expect and I hope you can put your mind at ease. :)
I'm so sorry about your car! And dinner, well, those "30 Minute Meals" don't ever take me only 30 minutes. I really miss my newer oven with an option to select a start and stop time--we could really use some new appliances :). Then, I can throw chicken or whatever in and have it start and stop even if I'm not there. But, yes, it does mean I'm cooking at 3:30 or 4 and storing it in the fridge until we walk out the door. I really wish dinner could just magically appear! ;)
Post a Comment